Heart of Chocolate


What is Your Heart REALLY Made of?
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heart of chocolate, huh? oh well, it's better than stone, i guess. it was soooooooo hot today and i was forced to go to school while my younger sister gets to stay home all day. "it's too hot for her" but i can handle coz i'm older than her and i "can't afford to miss any classes" bah, stick it up your ass
but i was feeling pretty good, had plenty of sugar, me and jen were just acting like dicks in maths and then i get a message from steph telling me her cat died last night which kinda put a dampener on my day. it's so hard though, coz i don't know what i can say to her or do anything that will make it better.
have a major chem thing due tomorrow and i should be working on it but my brains not working today and it's soooo hot.....looks like some early morning cramming tomorrow!
going out tomorrow night with jen, she says she knows a bouncer on the door at a club in the city so we might be doing that doesn't really matter if we don't get there, as long as we go out and get pissed and have a great time i don't care!
am working all night sat and all day sunday so can't go out then but will get over it i guess. and labour day monday so long weekend yay! might be going to a movie marathon sunday nite with jen, but not sure so we will see what happens.
nothing else much is happening lately, just school which totally sucks.
till next time guys,
love elly

huh, just under a month since i started this and i've only made one entry so far. well, just shows my dedication to things, doesn't it? but i'll blame the copious amounts of homework given to me and the incessant nagging to do it 24/7 by my parents but there's a teacher strike at school today so both parents are at work and i'm spending the whole day on the internet and not doing anything school related.
i've been working almost all weekend, every weekend lately which kinda ruins my social plans but it's the only way i'm able to get money and i'm such a compulsive spender that i need it so bad!! and i'm meant to be saving for a car, plus i'm going to phillip island for schoolies, going to queensland with my friend jen for 2 weeks the beginning of december and then i'm going to lorne for new years with jen and a whole bunch of others. and i know it's gonna cost me like a million dollars coz of alcohol! plus travel and food expenses and whatever else.
last weekend it was my friend shan's birthday, and i took her out to the movies, her me and jen. i went straight after i'd finished work so i didn't look all that good, but i got changed and jen did my hair in the toilets which was pretty funny! then we walked straight out of the toilets and who do i run in to, but jarrod, the last person i'd wanna see when i was looking so shit. we barely even talked which annoyed me so bad, he just said that i looked 'nice' (aughhhhhhhh!!!!) and he was in a rush and was about to go home. but he just wanted to get away from me, which i knew because when we went out for a smoke in the carpark, his car was still there damnit! it just makes me so angry coz i wanted him so bad, i degraded myself so much just so i could get him and we don't even talk anymore. i'm not sure if i still wanna be with him anymore, i just wish we could talk about what happened so i can get over it and move on.
there is another guy in the wings but i don't know if it'll ever happen because he's one of my really good friends. we weren't really close till last year, when we had english, maths and chem together and we just talked all the time and he's just one of those people that i click with and get along with so well for some reason. i kinda felt a little attracted to him but he had a girlfriend and they were so happy and had been together for a while so i just didn't go there at all. but then on monday he comes to school nearly in tears and tells me that it's over because she cheated on him. i'm kinda confused coz i did want him but then i stopped because of the girlfriend thing and now she's gone, and i think i do want him still but i don't know how he feels. and plus he's absolutely wrecked because of how she played him. but i guess only time will tell.
anyway, i think that's enough for now. till next time;
love elly

yay my very first entry here at tabulas. i've wanted one of these for so long but can never be bothered going through all the signing up crap that they all insist on making you do. this site is obviously one for the lazy people like me.
should be doing homework right now, but really can't be stuffed at all. i'm in year 12, final year of school and hardest by far. all the teachers do nothing but stress us to death about how hard we have to work and how much effort we have to put in to get where we wanna go. thanks, i want advice like that from a 'guidance' teacher. someone who is a teacher yet still isn't qualified to actually teach anything. nothing like advice from the underqualified, huh?
so instead of doing homework like the 'model student' my parents would love me to be, i'm pigging out on chocolate and posting in an online journal. but this is much more fun.
life's kinda complicating itself for me at the moment, or all my friends are just screwing me round and not caring about anyone. except one of my bestest bestest buds ever, ally. she's my twin sister and i can trust her with absolutely anything, which is more than i can say with any of my other friends.
like my supposed 'best' friend steph, (who i work with) who i went away with (and her family) over christmas and new year for 3 weeks. we had the best time ever, and i told her a whole lot of stuff about me and she told me a whole lot of stuff about herself and we got really close and i trusted her with my life. so anyway, we come back and i get cosy with this guy who's friends with her and i end up sleeping with him. we were together for about 2 weeks and then we broke up; it totally wasn't working anyway. so i tell steph in absolute confidence what happened and i go to work a few days later and one of the girls comes up to me and asks "did you have sex with jarrod?(the guy)" and i ask where she heard that but she says she can't say; but it's soooooo obvious it was steph that told her because she's the only person that i told. it's makes me so angry though because i told her so much other stuff that i wish i could take back because i don't know if i can trust her with it all if she'll just blab it randomly to anyone
and then one of my other supposed friends, bri who i work with and go to school with, i end up telling about the whole 'jarrod' ordeal because i kinda like him still and i was gonna get her advice on how i should go about trying to get him again. so anyway, she hears the story, doesn't really give me much good advice short of getting him really drunk, flying him to vegas and making him marry me, then i go to work a couple of days later and steph asks me if i've got a thing for jarrod still. thanks guys, nice to know you care about my privacy.
bah, there's a bit more to bitch about but i think you'll be sick of me by now if you've actually read this far.
till next time,
love elly